July 3, 2013

Amen

by Teatart

‘Tis my heart that laughs
And sings the psalms of my disposition
For once I was lonely
Lost in my private maze of emotion
Consciously floating day from endless day
Seeking nought by cared devotion
I wallowed in my isolation
And sipped the goblet of bitterness
Seeing solely the reflection of sallowness
And its inverse of sorrow

‘Twas not my heart
A bed of roses
Sprinkled with thorns of poison
And decorated with the blood
Of those who dared to sit on its thorny throne?
Was it he who felt as king or jester
Daring to possess that which would be not possessed?
And yet it was you
Who washed away my fear
And stripped me of my thorny crown

I am naked and bare to your eyes
Uninhibited by your love
My heart to you eternal shall be
And to another I shan’t pray
For you have laid me open
Desperate for your caressing touch
Wanting nought but yourself –
Intertwined in you is my world,
My breath of life
AMEN.

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June 19, 2013

Eyes

by Teatart

I watch you, I feel you
I anticipate your arrival with bated breath
Exploding in tremulous clouds of pressure that fights against your presence
You feel me watching you
And I see you growing with each stare
Gaining confidence in each touch
Yet asking nought stability, wanting nothing more than I can give
Ha, how unselfish
What motive could you possible indulge in torturing my mind and soul?
I run, I hide
You search, you find
I cannot escape your will. Leave me alone
Yet silent pleas form conflicting powers of assumption
Burrowing funnels in my mind
Blasting away the misgivings that incessantly haunt me
You want more!
In full knowledge of my inability to give what you so patiently crave
My worthiness falls short of your perceptions, but still you lurk!
Creating depth in the shadows that already exist
I fight gallantly against the narcotics that bleed into my actions
Attempting to perceive justice in our wrongdoings
I fight, I lose
You win with proud ambitions
And I gradually lose myself in your desires.

~ Sherrie Dyer

June 11, 2013

Black

by Teatart

As I sit here silently crying
I feel the emptiness where
Your presence should be
I pray that I will
Never be as you were
Imprisoned by the overwhelming loneliness
A gull resting on the edge of the dock
With no thought to the ‘morrow
But only to the past

I hold your hand
I see your smile
I hear your voice …
“I’ll always love you”
Echoing against the walls
Resounding over and over and over

Why is it then that you left me?
As a father you did wrong,
As a man you did wrong,
Yet you are perfect in every way
Forever etched in the embankments of my memory.

The one and only you will ever be.

~ Sherrie Dyer
(Written in memory of my father:
Terrence (Terry) Lynford Dyer, 2 Mar 1949-5 Jun 1995)

May 22, 2013

Footsteps

by Teatart

I reach out to you
The warmth of your skin
The feel of your lips
Soft and inviting against mine

I cling to your side
The security of your hands
Your fingers entwined in mine
My heart beating in my fingertips

I listen out for your voice
Melodic and inviting to my ears
Even and reassuring
Promising to keep the dark at bay

But you have gone
Withdrawn and departed
Any familiarity shared a mirage
Salt in the abrasions left behind

I retrace my footsteps to find you
But I realise that you were never there
Only an imaginary soul mate
Comforting, appeasing, consoling

I bury your memory
Fresh soil thrown on your grave
Sweet flowers planted at your feet
I am alone again.

~ Sherrie Dyer

May 14, 2013

Beautiful Blogger Award

by Teatart

I feel acknowledged
Validated
Inspired by the accolade
Given to me by Bloody Endurance – Tale of an Endurance Warrior

Beautiful Blogger Award nominationThank you so much for nominating me for the “Beautiful Blogger Award”.  To be nominated by my peers is more recognition that I could ever ask for!

When receiving this nomination, I need to first nominate other blogs I feel are deserving of praise, and additionally, I need to list seven random facts about myself. 

First things first, I nominate:

  1. helenvalentina
  2. A Shade Of Pen
  3. Babylon Fall

All three are poets that I follow, support and admire.

Seven random things about Poetizing (that’s me!):

  1. I started writing poetry as far back as I can remember. It goes without saying that each poem is intensely personal and to me, is akin to a photo snapshot of where I am in my life.
  2. I struggle with low self-esteem, depression and insecurity. Thus, I consider myself a true “tortured poet” as these attributes are often the very drivers that inspire my poems.
  3. I lost my father to suicide at the age of 17.  Writing poetry is my way of honouring his memory.
  4. I am a backslidden Christian – but I am getting back on the narrow and winding path to Jesus.
  5. When I am not indulging my first love, i.e. to write, I love singing and reading.
  6. I have very strong views on alcohol and drugs – possibly because my father and Gran were alcoholics, and have seen many friends afflicted with substance abuse.
  7. I have a very small circle of family and friends as I share the truly intimate parts of my life with very few people.
May 8, 2013

The Golden Dice

by Teatart

Blind as he who is sightless
Drunk – so free
Oh for he that is mindless
Let your eyes see

His life seems glazed
His pain – painless
Liver set ablaze
For his mind is unconscious

His legs are unstable
His vision blurred
As a broken cable
Let the electricity burn!

See not for life
He shan’t gamble
For a period of strife
With the broken bramble

Perhaps merely disguised
Life – cut
Perhaps merely a disguise
For the yearning of gut

Fear not little boy
He shall not go with pain
For him that is coy
Death is a gain.

~ Sherrie Dyer

May 2, 2013

Soul’s calling

by Teatart

In the dusk of my heart
Doth the twilight still fall
Although eons apart
My love is unworn

As sparse as the leaves
Silently fallen
Oh how my heart grieves
Patiently calling

Perhaps I shall never see
The dawn that doth awaken
Perhaps I shall never be
With he that is taken

Close to his frosted breath
Is all that I yearn
Till my very death
Shall I ever learn?

Tis my life that has no countless meaning
Nor shall I ever possess
For him that my heart must constantly be weaning
Shall never be possessed

~ Sherrie Dyer

April 24, 2013

Loving a narcissist

by Teatart

Tears and apologies
Seared hearts and dreams
The common foe that draws near
Is never as it seems

I stand by your side
As your lover and peer
But when the battle wages
I seem to become the enemy you fear

I know you are vulnerable and scared
Dealing with past hurt and pain
Choosing to fight against me
Becoming so self-centred and vain

Your actions are maiming and destroying
A fragile love that once was so pure
Aggrieving me has become your favourite hobby
Leaving our bond to each other shaken and unsure

Don’t you see how your actions scar my love?
How each day I withdraw from your touch?
I seek solace from your intolerance
And build up walls to protect me from such

Each day is becoming a little harder
To give myself fully to you
I know it’s not your fault you cannot love me
For the only one you need is you

Yet I have vowed to never leave you
On this rocky road I have chosen to travel
With each step I desire to become harder
Creating distance from what will be my ultimate unravel.

~ Sherrie Dyer

April 17, 2013

Crimson tides

by Teatart

Why do I allow you to hurt me?
I put up walls
Yet you break them down
Brick by brick
Cementing my trust
Paving a pathway to deceit

There are no windows to your soul
No shelter from the storm
You feign warmth and mercy
But your heart is cold and cruel
Solidified in stone
Unable to recognize or give love

As a spider spins a web to catch its prey
You thread an ornate tapestry of lies
Your tongue drips golden nectar
Smooth and sweet
A disguise for the bitter aftertaste
Left by your venomous poison

I feel drained, lost and alone
Carving my way through a maze of emotion
Despising my own weakness to resist
Your faux vulnerability
Your façade of brokenness
Mirroring that which I do not want to see

For I am broken too
Fragmented, cracked, fragile
Wanting to believe your love can set me free
Understanding that that can never be
Only one can mend this gaping wound
And only by His crimson love can I be washed clean.

~ Sherrie Dyer

April 10, 2013

Indulgence

by Teatart

Silent stares, hidden touches
Your eyes on me constantly
Every moment is choreographed
Every action inevitable

Say how it will be and it will be so
I am at your mercy
Marooned without strength to resist
Pulled by your magnetism
Charmed by your presence

You speak to a part of me
I feared long departed
Awakened a sleepy yearning
For something beyond reality

A time and place that stands still
Where only you and I exist
Lost from the world
In frozen moments of rapture

I’ve found myself in you
Discovered a meaning to life
That holds all promises
Exceeds all dreams

Yet is destined to live
For only a season
Blossoming like a fall flower
And dying in the winter snow

~ Sherrie Dyer